My Inspiration Behind This Model
I have been teaching ‘mindfulness-based emotional intelligence’ to leaders for many years, using mindfulness practices to develop critical emotional intelligence skills such as Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Motivation, Empathy, and Relationship Management. According to research, increased emotional intelligence subsequently results in outstanding leadership, stellar performance, and happiness (Zenger &Folkman 2014, Goleman 1998, Lyubomirsky 2008).
For many leaders, those workshops are extremely insightful, and for some even life-changing. Many of them re-connect with me after the program (which usually includes a 2-day live workshop and a 1-month practice period) and would like to learn more about how to bring those practices into their life, work, and leadership.
This inspired me to develop a coaching model that is based on emotional intelligence, giving leaders the ‘permission’ to use emotions in leadership, and learning more about how to use mindfulness practices to cultivate awareness.
It is these critical emotional intelligent leadership skills that the Coaching with Emotions in Mind model is seeking to develop!
Having experienced the impact emotional intelligence can have on leadership inspired me to put emotions at the center of my coaching model – making it what we call a ‘blended coaching model’ where my expertise in training mindfulness-based emotional intelligence to leaders overlaps with my leadership coaching.
The Coaching with Emotions in Mind cycle
Coaching with Emotions in Mind is about introducing emotional intelligence into leadership coaching, letting clients connect with their own emotions, and learning to navigate them more skillfully.
The above ‘brain’ picture comes from Brian Cugelman’s website, where he argues that “…the more we understand the factors that shape emotions, the better equipped we’ll be to build delightful websites, craft motivating messages, launch persuasive marketing campaigns—you name it.” (Cugelman 2020). Yes, his field of expertise is digital design, but he certainly makes a point about the importance of self-awareness, and in particular the awareness of our emotions… what we are feeling, where we are feeling it, and maybe even why we are feeling it.
That’s why his brain image fits perfectly into the middle of the Coaching with Emotions in Mind cycle graph! I then combined his emphasis on emotions at work with the development of critical emotional intelligence skills, and that’s what the Coaching with Emotions in Mind model is really aiming at developing in leaders.
What Is Emotional Intelligence?
Salovey & Mayer (1990) defined emotional intelligence in their initial study as:
The ability to monitor one’s own and other’s feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Emotional intelligence therefore is the ability to recognize our emotions, understand what they are telling us, and realize how our emotions affect other people. In general, there are five elements that define emotional intelligence (Goleman 2005):
- Self-awareness: knowing our strengths and opportunities, resources, and intuitions; it also includes high-resolution emotional awareness.
- Self-Management: the ability to navigate our emotions more wisely and skillfully, allowing us to cultivate resilience.
- Motivation: knowing what is important for us, our purpose and values, and what motivates us to thrive.
- Empathy: the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you.
- Social Skills: this is about creating great relationships, being a good team player, and as a leader being able to create a workplace of psychological safety and trust.
Emotionally intelligent leaders are skilled at managing their emotions. The ability to stay calm and in control of difficult situations is highly valued in leadership. Developing and using our emotional intelligence can be a good way to show others the leader inside of us. And most importantly… emotional intelligence can be learned and developed!
How Can Emotional Intelligence Be Developed in Leaders?
To be effective, leaders should have a solid understanding of how their emotions and actions affect the people around them. The better a leader relates to and works with others, the more successful he or she will be. Being an emotionally intelligent leader means you will be able to create a psychologically safe culture, coach teams, cultivate trust, manage stress, deliver meaningful feedback, and collaborate with others more effectively (Goleman 2005).
Therefore – there is a strong argument for leaders to further develop their emotional intelligence through leadership coaching interventions.
The first step in developing emotional intelligence can be summarized in two words: going from ‘auto-pilot’ to ‘aware’. We tend to run on autopilot and often act based on past habits, without paying much attention to what we are doing. Running on autopilot is something that happens naturally. The problem is that if we’re just on autopilot, not really present with what we’re doing, how can we really listen to others? How can we learn from what’s happening? How can we appreciate a good meal or quality time with others (SIY Global 2024)?
Based on the ‘mindfulness-based emotional intelligence’ methodology, we propose that we can use mindfulness practices to cultivate awareness… and awareness, in particular self-awareness, is the basic building block of emotional intelligence. As we go from autopilot to awareness, we can become more aware on different levels: our body, our mind, and our surroundings… and that’s really the definition of mindfulness (Ganesan 2022).
Once we start developing our self-awareness, particularly the awareness of our emotions, we can start navigating our emotions more skillfully and build resilience (Self-Management). Self-awareness also helps us to become aware of what is truly important for us (Motivation), and emotional awareness, the capacity to interpret our own emotions, is a key component of cultivating empathy and compassion. Last but not least, once we put all emotional intelligence skills together, they will impact our relationship management – and our leadership overall (Goleman and Cherniss 2023).
Coaching with Emotions in Mind
Alongside usual coaching practice, where clients will share specific topics they want to talk about, the coaching sessions will also follow the flow on page 3, teaching clients basic mindfulness practices to start developing their self-awareness. Then start introducing practices to strengthen their self-management and resilience, and from there make some practices available to explore their motivation. A critical part will be the cultivation of empathy, and the creation of an insight into how one can strengthen their empathy and potentially move to compassion. In the end, the client will discover how to apply all emotional intelligence skills in specific leadership situations, such as handling difficult situations, or how to increase team effectiveness.
At the closing of the coaching engagement, it will be important to get a ‘leadership commitment’ from the client, outlining their learning and how to integrate this learning into their day-to-day work and leadership.
There is no fixed plan carved in stone – but coaching sessions will follow the above direction but could potentially deviate based on the client’s situation and specific topics they would like to talk about.
The outcome of the Coaching with Emotions in Mind model (Figure 1) is targeting, is building emotional intelligence skills for leaders, that are readily applicable in real-life leadership situations.
Sample Practices to Develop Emotional Intelligence
P = practices (dedicated practices) / MP= micro-practices (integrated practices)
Foundational practices
- P: Focused attention
- P: Open Awareness
- MP: Three breaths
- MP: Minute to Arrive
- MP: Noting
Self-Awareness:
- P: Body scan
- P: Journaling (reflection on thoughts, feelings, emotions)
- MP: Head-Body-Heart Check-in
- P: Mindful eating
Self-Management:
- P: SBNRR or STOP practices
- P: Journaling (self-compassion)
- MP: Acceptance
Motivation:
- P: Journalling (values, envisioning)
- P: Resilience practice
- MP: Hands-on a chair
Empathy:
- P: Seeing similarities & Kindness
- P: Loving kindness
- MP: Shifting to connection
- P: Empathetic listening (for feelings)
Social Skills:
- P: Journaling (leadership commitment)
References
Cugelman, B. (2020), The Psychology of Color and Emotional Design, UK Booth
Ganesan et al., (2022), Focused attention meditation in healthy adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis of cross-sectional functional MRI studies. Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 141:104846
Goleman, D., Cherniss, C. (2023), Optimal – How to Sustain Excellence Every Day, Penguin Random House Ireland, Dublin
Goleman, D. (2005), Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ, Bantam Dell, New York
Goleman, D. (1997), Working with Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, New York
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008), The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, Penguin Publishing Group
Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional Intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9(3), 185-211.
SIY Global (2024), Search Inside Yourself Teacher Manual, ver. 2.10
Zenger, J., Folkman, J. (2014), The Skills Leaders Need at Every Level, HBR July 2014
Other source: MindTool,www.mindtool.com