Insecure Managers: A Survival Guide

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Question:

I work for a manager who’s brilliant with code and clueless about people. He bristles at feedback, shuts down suggestions, and appears threatened I managed a team with my prior employer. He ices me out in meetings and sidelines me every chance he gets.

I like my job, but I’m considering quitting. Why do so many companies promote technically skilled managers who aren’t cut out for leadership into managerial positions? I’m a no BS communicator so how do I deal with this without torpedoing my future?

Answer:

Your boss treats suggestions like landmines, flinches at feedback like it’s incoming fire, and views your management experience as a personal threat. Welcome to one of corporate America’s misfires: promoting technical stars into leadership and hoping they magically grow people skills. According to Gallup, most managers aren’t chosen for leadership ability, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/231593/why-great-managers-rare.aspx#:~:text=It’s%20often%20hiding%20in%20plain,job%2082%25%20of%20the%20time.

Instead, they landed their jobs because they crushed their technical role—and no one stopped to ask if they could handle human beings with opinions.

Insecure bosses come in two speeds: steamroll and shutdown. Yours manages both, with a bonus round of silent treatment. You’ve tried offering value, but he saw it as a challenge to his throne. Now he’s icing you out like a leftover lunch he resents having to share fridge space with. Here’s how to handle it without torching your future:

1. Stop triggering his defenses.
   He thinks you’re gunning for his seat. Show you’re not by changing your approach. Take the edge off your expertise. Present your insights as support, and not course correction. Say things like, “Would it help if I backed you up on this part?” Make your ideas sound like team wins, not critiques. Keep your tone constructive and always pitch ideas privately—not in front of his boss, his team, or your coworkers.
2. Dial up diplomacy.
   You’ve described yourself as a no-BS communicator, which works in many settings—but not with an insecure manager. Ask questions that invite collaboration, such as “Would it be helpful if I took the lead on X?” or “How would you like me to flag suggestions moving forward?” Think “collaborative barn-raiser,” not “truth-toting sniper.”

3. Shift the spotlight.

Make his success visible. If you’re seen as someone who elevates others rather than eclipses them, he’ll feel less threatened—and the leaders above him will notice your emotional intelligence. Praise upward. Frame wins as “our team’s” and let your fingerprints show subtly. This builds influence—even if he doesn’t thank you.

• Keep your power, lose the heat.
  Vent all you want—but not at work. What you say in the breakroom often gets repackaged and delivered back to your boss by someone with a flair for drama. Instead, go quiet and go strategic. Let his behavior speak for itself—without your fingerprints on the storyline.

5. Document your wins like you’re building an alibi.
Capture your contributions: projects completed, problems solved, feedback received. If opportunities arise—or things escalate—you’ll be ready to demonstrate your value clearly and factually.

6. Finally, rethink the tradeoff.
You love the job. Hate the boss. That’s like loving your road trip, except for the part where the driver’s asleep and swerving toward a ditch. How long can you keep pretending everything’s fine? Insecure supervisors have the power to shut down employees, and some treat that power as an unofficial perk.

Although working for an insecure manager isn’t your fault, it is your problem. You can’t force someone to stop leading from fear. But you can choose how you respond. Stay smart. Stay visible. And decide whether you’re planting roots—or weathering the storm until your next move.

© 2025 Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

If you found this post helpful, you’ll find additional assistance in Navigating Conflict, https://amzn.to/3rCKoWj and Beating the Workplace Bully, https://amzn.to/2UNMcyX.