My Coworker is My Roommate (Send Help)

Products You May Like

Question:

At 8:35 a.m., the man I live with, who also works remote, launches into a full-volume sales pitch two feet from the wall that separates us. At 8:40, his sister who temporarily lives with us while looking for a job, barges in to ask if I’ve seen her charger. At 9:05, the Wi-Fi collapses because someone decided to stream CNN.

Working from home meant freedom—or so I thought. No commute, no awkward small talk by the coffee machine, no one stealing my yogurt from the office fridge. Instead, it means I have office mates—ones I can’t exactly fire. Worse, the man I love holds Zoom calls at high volume, monopolizes the only quiet room with a door, and colonizes the kitchen table, leaving crumbs, papers and chaos behind.

Tell me, where do I file my HR complaint?

Answer:

When you work remotely and live with a partner, sibling, or friend who also works remotely, you’re no longer just lovers or housemates, you’ve become office mates. This means the arguments you once saved for laundry duty now spill over into bandwidth fights, Zoom interruptions, and turf wars over who gets the quiet room with the door that closes.

So, how do you keep the peace when loved ones double as coworkers?

During the workday, treat shared spaces like a workplace.

Would you waltz into your colleague’s cube mid-call to ask if they’ve seen your socks? No. Would you lean over their shoulder and borrow their charger mid-pitch? Definitely not. Apply the same logic at home. Establish “do not disturb” signals—headphones on, door closed, or even a Post-it note that says, “Currently trying to impress my boss, please don’t ruin it.”

Calendar core events.

If your walls are thin and your Wi-Fi fragile, a shared calendar is your best friend. Put your big presentations and Zoom calls on it. That way you can avoid dueling meetings, decide in advance who gets the real desk, and prevent the recurring tragedy of three people yelling “You’re on mute!” at the same time.

Rotate the prime real estate.

The quiet bedroom with good lighting and a solid chair shouldn’t belong permanently to one person. Rotate weekly. Otherwise, resentment builds faster than the laundry pile—and soon you’re in hostage negotiation over the ergonomic chair.

Don’t confuse physical presence with emotional availability.

Just because your partner is ten feet away doesn’t mean they’re free to chat about what’s for dinner. Respect each other’s focus time. Save random life updates for a scheduled lunch break, the same way you’d grab coffee with a colleague. What’s for dinner doesn’t count as urgent business.

Invest in survival gear.

Noise-canceling headphones cost less than couples therapy. A second monitor runs cheaper than a daily co-working pass. And if you can swing it, a folding screen or privacy divider can turn one-bedroom chaos into two semi-offices—or at least make it harder to throw things at each other.

Remember why you liked this person in the first place.

At the office, when a coworker annoyed you, you went home at night. At home, you’re already there. So, lean on gratitude: You don’t have to sit in traffic. You don’t have to microwave fish in a communal kitchen. And your “coworker” already knows how you take your coffee—and maybe even makes it right when you’re on deadline.

Remote work with a partner who also works remotely gave you both freedom—and the realization that “working from home” really means “living at work.”

© 2025, Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP