When You Sit Next to the Quiet Quitter: How not to be become the office life support system

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Question:

The woman I share an office with still technically works here. Her chair stays filled. Her email signature remains intact. But her spirit checked out sometime after the third reorganization.

We work the same customer service job and the same shift, which means when the phone rings, I’m the one who answers. If I don’t, it just rings.

At first, I didn’t mind. I share many of her complaints and understand why she’s disengaged. I’m also a team player, and she’s not a bad person. But this has gone on for eight weeks, and I’m burning out.

I keep waiting for our manager to notice, telling myself she has to see one of us is working and one isn’t.

Do I say something? If so, what? Do I just walk away when the phone starts ringing? Do I just accept that I’m handling a job and a half? I hate upsetting people, but I’m burning out.

Answer:

How will your manager figure it out? You’re letting your coworker hide. You’re the human shock absorber between her disengagement and the consequences. At the moment, she isn’t paying for your withdrawal. Your manager isn’t. You are. And so are your customers.

Quiet quitting thrives when others quietly compensate. Every time you jump in without saying anything to your coworker or manager, you pretend the problem doesn’t exist. Think of it this way: if someone leaves her trash in the hallway and you keep taking it out, your manager doesn’t realize there’s a trash problem. She sees a tidy hallway.

The answer: stop rescuing in silence. If addressing a conflict feels as risky as jumping out of an airplane without a parachute, consider what your hesitation costs you. When you choose the apparent low-risk certainty of silence over the potential risks of speaking out, think about where that path leads you. When you avoid conflict, it provides at most temporary relief. It fixes nothing. The workload stays uneven. Your resentment grows. The situation that troubled you remains.

You can feel for your coworker and still refuse to carry her job. Have an honest conversation with her. Your message: “This isn’t working for me. I can’t keep picking up all the calls.” Let her know you want to give her a chance to fix things, but you’re relinquishing your office life support system badge.

If she doesn’t change, meet with your manager. Here’s what you might say: “In the last four weeks, there’s been workload creep. My responsibilities now include answering all incoming calls and all the paperwork that relates to them.”

If giving your manager the honest facts seems too great a leap, ask yourself why. Are you afraid of being unfair? What’s fair about the current situation? Are you afraid you’ll make things worse? Or do you fear that regardless of what you say, it won’t make a positive difference?

In chapter three of Navigating Conflict, https://amzn.to/3rCKoWj, I point out that most conflict avoiders magnify the risks of speaking honestly and minimize the costs of remaining silent.

But consider what happens if you don’t say anything. First, the realization that you don’t tackle problems or stick up for yourself hangs over you like a dark cloud. You disappoint yourself and potentially lose some respect for yourself. Second, you forget you have the right to a sane workload and the right to speak up. Third, carrying your coworker’s disengagement until you burn out or drown in frustration may turn you into the next quiet quitter. Then, the office gains another empty chair with a breathing body in it.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is put down your oar and say, “I can’t row for two anymore.” Because a boat with one exhausted rower doesn’t stay afloat. It just looks like it does, until it sinks.

© 2025 Lynne Curry, PhD, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

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